security

you know that feeling, when you know that you've given it your all and made sure that everything that can and needs to be done has been done, and you imagine that you've just made the most perfect piece of work that nothing, not even the Mona Lisa, could match, when suddenly, and ironically, everything falls apart in front of you. and the worst part is, you can't do anything because all of it is now gone.

that sucks doesn't it?

but happens all the time.

i think i've always had this sense of security that everything i do will result in something good, everything i touch will turn into gold. i always thought that all my dreams and fantasies will come true and i told myself not to worry because there'll always be a happy ending, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

in reality, however, that's not the way it works. somehow, the more you wish for something, the more likely it is for it to not come true, the greater the dissapointment and thus, the greater the downfall. and that isn't exactly a very nice feeling.

but no matter how hard i try to tell myself to be optimistic, to let my dreams go wild, to always challenge the impossible, a nagging part of me would hold back and try to bring the other part of me back to earth.

but that's also why i never try to give my best, never gone full blast, believing that i will never get what i wanted anyway.

i want to believe that i can. i want to believe that i will. i want to believe that i can fly.

and because of that, i want to be stronger. i want to believe that i will.